The Hidden Power of Tonality: How to Develop an Irresistible Voice
For nearly three decades, I’ve been known in the Neuro Linguistic Programming community, and well beyond it, as an expert on vocal development. My first voice audio program, Finding Your Irresistible Voice, remains one of my most popular home-study resources to this day.
Why? Because your voice is the primary vehicle for your connections. Whether you are leading a corporate training, coaching a client, or simply trying to build a stronger relationship with a loved one, the way you sound often matters just as much as the words you choose.
Over the years, I’ve had the privilege of running “Irresistible Voice” workshops all over the world, from New York and San Francisco to London UK and Melbourne Australia. I’ve extensively coached thousands of people, offering rapid, targeted suggestions based purely on what I hear in their tonality, pacing, and resonance during a brief conversation.
What I’ve learned is simple: No one is beyond help, and everyone can improve.
The “Rapid Voice Intervention”
Years ago, I was attending an influence course down in Miami Beach as a guest. The trainer asked if I’d spend some time working with the attendees on the value of vocal tonality and resonance.
I spent 15 minutes teaching a range of techniques, and then I asked the audience: “Who here thinks they could use some vocal improvement?” From the hands that shot up, I hand-picked four people. My intuition was sorting for the common culprits of a disconnected voice: poor posture, shallow breathing, voicebox timing issues, excessive speed, and muscular tension.
I performed what I call “rapid voice interventions” right there in front of the room. The “diagnoses” were different for each person, and the “treatments” were unique, but the results were identical. Within minutes, their thin, disconnected, or “problem” voices were replaced by warm, resonant, authoritative tones. Every single one of them got a round of applause.
It proved a vital point: A great voice isn’t necessarily something you’re born with. It’s an instrument you learn to play.
Even the Best Voices Can Get Better
During that same mini-workshop, one of the guys who had the most fun with the exercises actually had an absolutely world-class voice. He told me he’d previously sought coaching, only to be told that his biggest “problem” was simply that he didn’t like his own voice enough and needed to just “get over it.”
We both agreed that was great advice for him, but we also agreed on a deeper truth: No matter how great your voice sounds, there is always room for refinement.
I’m no exception! My own biggest area of continuous vocal improvement is dealing with a slightly nasal sound caused by a deviated septum. I could have surgery to fix it, but I’ve heard enough horror stories about post-op sinus issues to pass on that. Instead, I work diligently to refine the other qualities of my voice: my pacing, my resonance, my warmth… so that they completely overshadow any nasal quality.
If you want to build stronger connections, command a room with approachability, and make people want to listen to you, here are a few highly practical tips to get you started.
8 Practical Tips to Develop an Irresistible Voice
To get your mouth watering for further vocal development, here are a few foundational ideas you can start exploring immediately.
1. What To Do When You’re on the Phone or on Zoom
When you sit, your diaphragm compresses and your energy naturally dips. Standing up opens your airway, engages your core, and instantly injects more vitality and authority into your tonality. The person on the other end of the line will feel the difference in your presence.
So, if you can, stand! If you have a standing desk, use it!
If you do have to sit for a Zoom call, and/or you don’t have a standing desk, then I strongly recommend you sit at the front edge of your chair, so you can tuck your legs partly under the chair. This will open up your torso more, and give you more room to breathe (and thus, enable deeper airflow for speaking).
2. Smile When You Speak
If your goal is to build stronger relationships and make people feel comfortable, this is non-negotiable. Smiling physically alters the shape of your vocal tract, engaging a far warmer, more approachable tonality. People can literally hear a smile.
3. Breathe Deeply from Your Belly
Most people take shallow, chest-level breaths, which leads to a thin, anxious-sounding voice. You need to use your diaphragm. Place a hand on your stomach: if your rib cage is expanding measurably when you inhale, you aren’t using your belly. Breathe in, and your belly should go out. Breathe out, and your belly comes back in. This anchors your voice and gives it a rich, grounded resonance.
4. Hydrate Strategically (Ideally, Water Only)
Juice, coffee, energy drinks, and sugar all constrict your vocal cords and diminish your vocal range far more than you think. If you want a clear, resonant voice, drink water. It’s a biological fact. Plus, it’s healthier for you anyway.
5. The Speaker’s Secret: Glycerin Spray
If you are leading corporate trainings, teaching all-day workshops in hotel conference rooms, or just speaking for long periods of time, use a glycerin spray on the back of your throat. It is a little-known mastery tip that keeps your vocal cords lubricated and prevents that scratchy, fatigued sound at the end of the day. Note: I’m not talking about Chloraseptic or other sore-throat medications with glycerin and menthol etc. Just search online for “Entertainers Secret.”
6. Open Your “Wind Instrument”
Imagine your vocal tract as though the space inside it were solid. Notice where the tight, angular, constricted spots are. Now, change your posture to physically open up those constricted areas. Create a larger, more open wind instrument in your body. Move or rock your body back and forth until that broader, open posture feels entirely natural and comfortable.
7. Practice Pacing with a Metronome
Your speaking rhythm dictates how easily people can process your information. Practice speaking alongside a metronome. Play with different tempos until it becomes second nature to synchronize your speaking rhythm with the different auditory rhythms presented to you in the real world.
In my live 3-day Irresistible Voice course (which is coming back to my course roster soon!), we do this a lot; I demonstrate how this is supposed to sound and provide students with extensive individual voice coaching.
8. Play with Different Accents
Learn as many different accents as you can. You don’t have to perform them publicly, but the physical nuances you’ll develop by shifting your vocal qualities will make you world-class at mirroring other people’s voices. And mirroring is one of the fastest ways to establish deep, unconscious rapport and connection.
The Next Step in Your Vocal Journey
These are just a few suggestions to get you started. I have so many more, even deeper and more transformative than the list above, that I cover in my two voice-focused audio programs, Finding Your Irresistible Voice, Irresistible Voice 2, or by getting both at a slight discount with my Voice Combination deal.
Your voice is your primary tool for connecting with the world. Take the time to tune the instrument. Feel free to reach out and let me know how these exercises work for you!
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